Menopause doesn’t arrive in a single shape. For some women, desire fades; for others, it sharpens. Both are normal. What matters is comfort, consent and what feels right for you — not what anyone else thinks midlife should look like.
But in a season where your body feels unpredictable, deep intimacy can become an anchor, a safe harbour. Being close to someone you trust — someone who holds you without judgement when your emotions feel like weather — can steady the nervous system in a way no supplement ever could. Sometimes the most powerful regulator is simply falling asleep in the arms of someone you are at one with, mind, body and soul, knowing that you are fine just as you are, with all your flaws and imperfections.
And it’s not just women changing. Men are too. Many men experience their own midlife hormonal shift, often called andropause. It can affect libido, mood, confidence and overall wellbeing. A simple testosterone blood test can be helpful, especially when a partner seems down, moody, cranky, obnoxious. Low testosterone can influence how a man feels about his identity, not just his body. And how your man feels impacts you too. Though it could be challenging to suggest to your partner that maybe, just maybe, he may need to get checked out. Remember, a healthy relationship is not a blame game.
For me, the core of it is this: peace between partners matters more than hormones. When you’re locked in conflict, intimacy becomes another task on the list that you have to perform. When you’re connected, sex becomes lovemaking, It becomes something you anticipate, not a yet another duty to you have perform merely to keep the peace.
Even when both partners are fatigued – from work commitments, jetlag, other pressures – kissing deeply, stroking intimately, looking into each other’s eyes, talking dirty, brings on the same sexual satisfaction as energetic, marathon sex.
Because the brain is the biggest sex organ. Desire begins in the mind, in safety, in emotional closeness, in mutual respect And that doesn’t disappear at 50, 60 or beyond. The fire doesn’t die with age — it just asks to be tended with more connection, more humour and more gentleness than before. You can still feel like a teenager with raging hormones past midlife, I promise! (Read my HRT Diary). Never grow ‘old’!
When my hormones saw you first
Was it the cursed menopause hot flushes,
I asked myself,
when I first caught sight of you
and collided with those unfathomable eyes?
So. This is the man
I’d been briefed about
The questions I had for you disintegrated
When you shook my hand
with the tiniest of smiles,
was it brain fog
or something far more intimate, illicit,
that stopped me thinking straight?
My hormones staged an instant coup
the moment you appeared
a full‑scale uprising
I’ve been losing ever since.
Honestly, I haven’t had a coherent thought
in your presence
Not one
But fortunately, I can still think
In maths and physics.
And these sleepless nights?
Everyone blames the hormones,
but we both know better.
It isn’t menopause keeping me awake —
it’s the way your memory
slips under my skin at midnight,
warm as a whisper,
unsettling as desire,
and totally impossible to ignore.
Will HRT help?
Highly unlikely.
Not when I remember
your fingers brushing the Evorel patch
like it was silk lingerie,
and that little smile
the one that could trigger
a hot flush
all on its own
The one from deep in my core
The fusion of the sun
When hydrogen meets gravity
And middle age meets soulmate
How sex can support menopausal health
in many cases, sexual activity can support wellbeing during menopause, and the benefits are backed by general medical understanding.
- Improves vaginal comfort Regular sexual activity increases blood flow to the vaginal tissues, which can help maintain elasticity and reduce dryness.
- Boosts mood and reduces stress Sexual activity can release endorphins and oxytocin, which support emotional wellbeing during a time of hormonal fluctuation.
- Supports sleep quality For some women, the relaxation response after sexual activity can help with sleep — a common menopause challenge.
- Strengthens pelvic floor health Arousal and orgasm activate pelvic floor muscles, which can help maintain tone and reduce urinary symptoms.
- Enhances intimacy and confidence Emotional closeness and physical connection can counter feelings of isolation, body‑image changes, or reduced confidence.
My start-up is pioneering a series of pop-up menopause clinics, and sexual health will be one of the topics we will discuss. Not facilitated by me, but the experts, as I am just an enthusiastic practitioner!
Drop me a line for more information: jkfab4050@gmail.com
But in the meantime, do your exercises and eat well. Meditate too for that sense of self.
